WELCOME TO VALENTRACIA
From the desk of John Snobbish, The Snob God Goblin of Slobtown, leader of The Cult of 1000 Johns, and Divine Ambassador - Avalonion Guard John Major - under the prestigious employ of The Royal House of Snobbish: Vox Patroni Dei.
And peace flowed in the lands of Valentracia. And there was no war amongst the Four Families, neither with their kinfolk.
But peace surely cannot last forever in the bountiful, beautiful and ever so dutiful lands of Valentracia. The Great Inferno came and scorched the Avalon Port (1.r) near to annihilation. And the Four Families began to shift about restlessly. There were many negations held during this era but they led to little more than contests of brute force. Pure talent was all that grew in the noble citizens of Avalon and so each and every “would be” John Todd was wont to be found without some grandiose boast or another upon their lips. This led to much quarreling and a great many theatrics about the land.
Suddenly, with the Avalon Port (1.r) in ruins and before the time of The Deluge, a powerful saboteur of unknown contract slipped through the Digital Space Hub Bell Communicate and evaporated into the Avalonion Mysts.
Our story: what is a Pantheonic War of unbelievable proportions stretching the eons of human existence, what is the Fogtown Massacre, The Deluge, The Midnight Mass of Diamond Jim, The Attack of Deadclone One, The Sikada Complex, The Ghost School Revenants, the Fogtown Revivalists, The Revelations of Algernon Staircase, The Mass of Mary Mudbrick, The Sins of St. Pennsylvania, The PORT1.rAITS, The Dance of the Water Dragon, Sikada Ground Assault, The Aveon Swarm, Scorpion Ghost Archers, Aryan Blood Gods, Ordained Elementals, Earthbound Supplicants, The ROTAG SAGAS, The Granite Chessboard, The Sadclown Masterpiece, and countless other fantastic adventures and tragedy what brings us here to the now ever peaceful and ever present Snob Gardens Viewing Emporium of Underwater
History.
As I was saying, our story begins here, with what the survivors have come to call THE NORTHWOODS INTERCEPT. And, since I was the Troubadour what intercepted this first mysterious transmission, it appears I shall also be your narrator for this journey.
Greetings and welcome to you, our most sophisticated and noble patrons of Troubadourian Snobartistry. I am the A.S. Troubadour Poor Soul of Mary Sorrowful, but you can just call me Honest John.
—————————————————————NorthWoods Intercept 22.12.14.12———————————————————
There is a place.
Do you remember?
Follow the crick down where we used to catch bullheads.
Remember?
Now go where I first put my letter,
the big one with the two bones.
Behind the stone, six feet down and marked (at one point anyway) by a large cinderblock,
you will need to dig.
Bring a shovel or large hunting knife.
Retrieve it.
I went there after the storm.
I left that thing what you told me to never lose.
It's waiting for you now.
I can't hide it anymore because I am going to the shed.
He won't send me back.
Once you have it again you mustn't wait not a minute of time.
Take it to the taxidermist.
He's still where I left him.
If you have to you know where the last house is buried.
I love you.
God speed.
Pontchartrain
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
The greatest Intellects in Valentracia have yet to uncover even the slightest insight into the purpose, meaning, or possible recipient of this transmission. What we do know is that the sender, one named Pontchartrain, began weaving, from the outset, a professional, methodical, and ever vigilant campaign of clandestine corruption and artistic instigation between the Four Families of The House of Snobbish. We don’t know his ultimate mission. But we know it was him behind the Attack of Deadclone 1. And after that all hell broke loose.
Well, I guess we’re kind of starting at the end and working our way back to the beginning. It will all make sense in time. I’m sure of it. Because the Future is John.
Until then and as always I am your humble servant,
Honest John Nobody
Sikada Masquerade is 36 minutes of nonstop glitch-art Kung Fu expansion. As we peel apart the layers of physics and music, magnifying the glitch with Media Magic and Underwater Principles, we begin to see a complex structure of bug like creatures peering back at us from the void. There is much to be learned from careful study of this Collection. And while the catacombs are deep indeed, an eclectic soundtrack and stunning visuals makes this a most excellent adventure to take.
WARNING RISK OF EPILEPTIC SHOCK
Segment List
1. Nautilus Underwater Dream - “Send in the Clowns” by Judy Collins
2. Sikada Masquerade - “Hey Susan” by DSHBC
3. Nick Jonas Cyber Dragon - “Close” by Nick Jonas
4. Dream Staff Interlude - “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt (Inst)
5. Eel Underwater Dream - “Pumped Up Kicks” by Foster the People
6. Thumb Staff Dream Float - “Milltown Trap Inst
7. Fred Bear - “Fred Bear” by Ted Nugent
8. Cater Bug Dream - Bubble Up Economics Inst
9. Golden Dragon Float - “Ode to My Family” by The Cranberries
10. Kraken Underwater Dream - “Prima Victoria” by Sabaton
11. Pelican Dream Walk - “I Will Follow You Into the Dark” by Death Cab for Cutie (Inst)
12. Sikada Finale - “I Love You Baby” by Frankie Valli
13. Four Horse Locust - Bubble Up Economics Inst
THIS COLLECTION ALSO SERVES AS A GRAND INTERLUDE TO THE ROTAG SAGAS
At the current evolutionary development of mankind there is nobody else in the world who could watch it properly. Nobody else would. That is always and only why I have always loved you.
Cult of 1000 Johns
Sifu John Principle - John Snobbish - John Lennon - Big John Stud - Jonny Ringo - Iron John Denmark - John Cougar Melly Camp - John F Kennedy - John Wayne - Jon Bon Jeezy - Jonathan Taylor Thomas - John Adams - John Cena - John Hancock - John Flessas - John the Baptist - Jean ...
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